


There is never enough

by smilingstrawberrie



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Dave is kind of a bastard, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, one sided john/dave
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 06:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1930074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilingstrawberrie/pseuds/smilingstrawberrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John hurts. he hurts in his heart, he hurts from his arm, but most of all he hurts from his soul. he hates feeling like a piece of shit almost as much as he hates the way his life is spinning out of control. so he decides to do somefin about it. somefin horrid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is never enough

John stabbed and slashed and cried and gripped at his wrist. muffled sobs wracked his body as he bit too hard into the palm of his hand. his cellphone vibrated non stop in his pocket. Having enough of the irritating feeling he released the grip his jaw held on his now blood palm and scooped the phone out of his pocket, flipping it open to reveal multiple missed calls from Roxy and Jane. and one call from dave. he cried out a bit louder and threw the phone away from himself as if it were a bomb, looking away and replacing the sobs with his palm as the razor cut deeper faster and he thought his tears would run out soon. he’d missed the fact that the phone had skidded from below his bathroom stall and into the out and open. the door to the bathroom opened and a rather pissed off karkat walked in, talking on his own mobile device. “ NO I HaVE NOT SEEN THE FUCK aSS RECENTLY- WHY? WHaT KIND OF SHIT HaS HE GOTTEN INTO NOW? YEaH YEaH SURE I’LL CaLL HIM.” He told whoever was on the other line before going to his contacts and calling another boy. the boy whom had thrown his phone to right next to karkat actually. and imagine karkats reaction when said phone began buzzing at his feet, groveling for attention. “WHaT THE- OH. HEY- JOHN? YOU IN HERE OR SOMETHING? aSSHaT- I’M TaLKING TO YOU.” he stalked over to the only locked bathroom stall and forcefully knocked. he then decided to do something incredibly embarrassing and slid his stomach to a bathroom floor and glanced underneath to see johns backpack sitting on the floor along with Johns pants- and his eyes widened when he saw several small puddles of blood dripping from some unknown source and onto the floor, the blood splayed on johns bright blue jeans, dripping from the seat of the toilet and there was too much to be safe. at this karkat leaped up once more and began banging on his door without end. “ HOLY FUCK- JOHN. WHaT IS GOING ON IN THERE- JOHN EGBERT PLEaSE- OPEN THIS DOOR OR I WILL BREaK IT DOWN. JOHN FUCKING EGBERT DO YOU HEaR ME?!” panicked, karkat didn’t know what to do, should he invade Johns privacy- what if that wasn’t really john, just someone with his phone, pants and backpack. well fuck this he didn’t care if it wasn’t john or if john was angry. suddenly though he heard the toilet flush and the door opened, a gooey blood like substance stained the middle of his shirt and john's eyes were soaked in tears. “Geez Karkat cool down. Someone just spilled their juice on me and some of it got in my eye and i was being a wuss about it. no need to break down doors or anything. John tried to hide his arm that he was sure was slowly bleeding through his sleeve and his palm that was dripping blood from his biting it. he went to wash his hands ignoring karkat and the pain radiating from his arm and heart. he just smiled at karkat and asked him if he could borrow his winter gym clothes, which brought up a very confused look from the annoyed friend. “ I kind of got this huge scrape on one of my arms and i don’t want someone to see it and think i cut or something- i mean i'm no emo kid- just like i am not some homosexual. Karkat just sighed dramatically but agreed to allow John to borrow his spare long sleeves. 

“Hey Roxy-John Here,Yeah I’m fine. just accidentally dropped the phone and couldn’t pick up. I know, sorry!!” John spoke into the phone as he slowly wrapped his arm in an ace bandage, then slid on the gym shirt, hoping the bandage would be enough to prevent the injury to bleed through the cloth.after much more apologies and insuring he was fine, he hung up and put the shorts on. although karkat was taller than him, Johns butt filled out more of the pants, so combining a loose shirt with tight shorts, it seemed weird to him. But with no other option, he was not about to be picky about clothing choice.stepping out of the changing room, he grabbed his bag and dumped his stained clothes into the bag. “thanks man!” John told karkat, clapping him on the back as they walked out together. “YOU DO REaLIZE YOUR LaTE TO 4TH PERIOD- RIGHT FUCKaSS?” karkat asked, shrugging Johns hand from his shoulder where it lingered. John cursed then with a final thanks ran off to get to class. finally reaching the class panting he checked his watch, 12 minutes late to history. oh jegus, the teacher will kill him. walking in with his head low, he tried to sneak past her and slide into his seat. successfully making it into his seat but perking to the teachers loud, shrilly voice, “ I noticed that mr.egbert. would you like to share why exactly you are so late, and why on earth you're wearing your gym clothes for winter no less?” John blushed a bright red before stuttering out the same excuse he’d given to karkat, but added that his friend had lent him his gym clothes. the teacher did not seem pleased, and in return for his missed time he would be answering the next question on the board, handing John the chalk. John got up and realized the last one was at the very top of the board. This was a problem, seeing how John was 5ft and the board was (he suspected) 6’9” and he knew he wouldn't be able to reach it. This was his teacher’s revenge, and they both knew it. grumbling about the stupid bag of bones he made his way to the board, chalk in hand. the question wasn’t that difficult, it was just very high. after an almost hour of painful taunts from his teacher, he was released only to be captured by none other than dirk strider, the brother of the guy who was making his life miserable as of last week. the hand angrily grasping his left arm with no restraint. “ Yo dude- are you okay? you seem really off or something. Daves been wondering where you were and roxy and rose seem worried bout ya.” his deep Texan drawl making the words roll off of his tongue like smooth silver. SimilarIing to his little brothers liquid gold of a tongue too much for your liking. You attempt at releasing yourself only to be disappointed when pain shoots up your arm. Damn, why did Dirk have to go for his right arm instead of his left? You wonder this to yourself however it apparently sneaks past your lips. You growl when he testingly tightens his grip. wincing as more pressure is applied to his self induced wounds when he’d had enough of the harassment he pulled his injury away from the strider and ran off, running to the nearest restroom, panting, and unable to breathe. he looked down to see that the blood had leaked through the thin layer of binding and cloth. “Shit.” thank god it was the end of the day and no one would be looking for him. Pulling off the shirt and the bandage you face the still open and dripping wounds, they honestly have yet to heal at all and begin dripping as soon as exposed to open air. soon the floor has more blood covering it than john thought possible, and his head begins to lose it’s ability to think straight. he sits down, not thinking about karkats borrowed clothing as he just decides that he’ll head home after he lets his eyes rest for a second. the blood does not cease and his arm falls into a pool of his blood and he’s glad theres so much. So much blood, so much of himself spilling out, his dirty, disgusting, pitiful self. His eyes fluttering when he hears the door open next to him, but right now, he couldn’t care more about anyone but that nice warm feeling of sleep covering him.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry- there will be more explaining more of the story- i didn't mean to write nofin i was just supposed to be sleeping but then shit happened and i started crying and then this was born and im so sorry. please forgive me. *huddles in the corner clinging onto the john egbert body pillow in one arm and the kankri boddy pillow in the other.*


End file.
